


Before the wave hits

by heramew



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Past Relationship(s), Renegade Shepard (Mass Effect), Weddings, renegade to balanced Shepard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:42:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23931001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heramew/pseuds/heramew
Summary: I'd be the last shred of truthIn the lost myth of true loveI'd be the sweet feeling of releaseMankind now dreams ofThat's found in the last witnessBefore the wave hits      _  Hozier - Talk
Relationships: Female Shepard/Samantha Traynor, Miranda Lawson & Female Shepard, Miranda Lawson/Female Shepard
Kudos: 37





	Before the wave hits

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first mass effect fic that I publish. More are comming. It's the canon story of my femShep and the women of her life.  
> Disclaimer: The characterization of Shepard reflects my gameplay and romance choices. Miranda might seem slightly ooc sometimes but this also reflect my gameplay and how i perceived her.

_I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we'd do  
So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imagining you  
  
  
_..   
  
  
"Do you ever wonder, you know, what's under all that armour?" 

"I've seen her in casual wear a few times. That body looks fine as hell."

"So, what's your bet? C or D cup?" 

"I dunno. I'd say C for good measure, but my eyes were mostly drawn to her a-" 

"What do you think you're doing?" 

The two operatives jumped as the second in command appeared behind them.

"Ahem..... Nothing... We -" 

"Oh if it's nothing then you can probably explain yourself in front of the commander." 

"No! Please! We were just... just messing around. Nothing serious." 

"Yeah? Miranda said, I might _just_ talk to commander Shepard then." 

"Please... We didn't think..." 

"Well. I hope next time, you will use your brains, or at least try to combine them both." 

Miranda said coldly before leaving gracefully with the door closing behind her. These two idiots were not the first she'd caught talking about Shepard's body. And every time she interrupted a similar conversation, the initial pride she would feel as the crew were indirectly complimenting her work gradually turned into a sort of tiring and somewhat jealous anger. 

She was the one who spent the most time with her eyes on the commander's body. She knew it better than anyone else because hell, she _built_ it.  
  
  
...   
  
  
The infamous suicide mission they had accomplished a few months ago was starting to feel irrelevant in comparison with the horrors happening on earth, and yet, every gunshot she heard reminded her of it. The blood, the slaughter, the bodies. It affected her a lot more than she would admit. 

The night after their first encounter with the collectors on Horizon, she couldn't sleep. She wasn't like Shepard, Garrus or even Jacob. Even though she trained years to fight mechs in simulations and did not hesitate before putting a bullet straight into Wilson's chest, she wasn't a soldier. She was here to create and fix. Not to destroy and kill. 

A few days after, she told Shepard how she truly felt. She was extremely embarrassed to open up to the commander, but Shepard seemed to understand. 

"It's okay. Every soldier needs a phase to adapt. I threw up right after my first kill. I'm sure you'll find enough on the ship to keep you busy. And when you feel like using a gun again, just let me know." 

A discreet routine had begun to blossom between the commander and herself. Being the second in command, Miranda had plenty of reasons to stay on board, and even though she felt ready to fight again, she preferred it this way. And when neither of them could sleep, they met in the commander's private quarters. 

The day after they rescued Oriana, they both felt that this was a significant step. Shepard spoke more freely and enquired about her red, growing and glowing scars. Miranda smiled.

"Technically speaking, you're not fully fixed. But I think I like it better this way." 

"Yeah. I think I do too." 

The kiss that followed didn't surprise either of them. Neither did the rest of the night.

  
  


Miranda had awoken first, and after weighting the pros and the cons of leaving discreetly, she had decided to stay in the warmth of Jane's embrace, lulled by the light snoring of her commander. 

"Are we still... _friends_ ?" Miranda enquired shortly after Shepard opened her eyes. "Because last night was great, but I'm not sure -" 

"Hey." Shepard interrupted, barely awake, rising a hand to meet with Miranda's cheek. "Of course we're still friends. But that doesn't mean we can't have extras. Besides, I'm not the committing type either." 

The brunette smirked. 

"So you're thinking, friends with benefits?" 

"Exactly. If you're in, I'm in. No romantic feelings, just two good friends looking for a way to release stress." 

"I'm in."

"Good." 

... 

The night before the inevitable omega 4 relay jump, Miranda had brought a bottle of strong liquor to Shepard's cabin. 

"I usually don't do hard stuff like this but... I thought this was appropriate." 

The commander smiled and checked out the label. Her smile grew into a laughter. 

"Ryncol! God Miranda I need you alive tomorrow!" 

"Someone gifted it to me as a joke. Never thought I'd actually open it." 

After a few drinks, both women were eventually loosing up. Shepard was sitting on the floor, back pressed against Miranda's legs while the executive rested her chin on top or her head.   
"Can I be seriously honest with you for a moment?" 

Shepard turned around to face Miranda. 

"Of course. Shoot." 

The executive took a deep breath and sighed. 

"Okay. I am. Terrified. Maybe it doesn't show, but I don't know what's beyond that relay and it's been keeping me up at night, the thought of not even making it past it..." 

"Okay." Shepard finally said after a long, silence. "Okay, Miranda, listen." She sounded tipsy but wise at the same time, and Miranda would always remember the warmth of her hands when she kneeled in front of her and cupped her face. "This is _my_ ship, _my_ crew and you are _my fucking_ second in command. _nothing_ will go wrong, I give you my word. I've seen too many good people die and I won't allow any more of that bullshit."

Miranda's hands came resting on each sides of Shepard's face. She did not recall hearing the commander talking about survival. Her usual Spectre litany was peppered with _sacrifices_ and _necessary casualties._

Miranda smiled and bent down to kiss her commander. 

"Thank you, Shepard. This means a lot to me." 

... 

And of course, Shepard had been right. 

She had even chosen her for the final push, alongside Zaeed Massani, making Miranda wonder if this had not been a way to cut ties with Cerberus for good, knowing she would have been the Illusive Man's only and last resort to preserve the collector's base. 

_"joker, lose this channel."_

They all knew they would not be able to stay on board of the Normandy for long after that, with the Alliance and Cerberus both wanting their heads, but they all preferred it this way. They did not know what the future held for them, but they knew where their loyalty was, and would always be lying.

...

" Oriana sends her thanks. You saved her life twice now." 

Shepard laughed. 

"Bad things come in threes." 

"Please." Miranda groaned. "I don't want her to be hurt anymore. Besides, he's gone forever now." 

"How do you feel ? We didn't have much time to talk before you left." 

Miranda stood up and walked slowly towards the large windows, getting absorbed by the sunset. 

"I feel free. As if I was finally able to be truly alive." 

Shepard joined her, handing her a glass of wine. 

"Yeah. Bullets usually help." 

The ex-Cerberus agent took the glass with one hand and wrapped the other around Shepard's waist, pulling her into a tight hug. 

"Thank you. I mean it. I couldn't have done it without you. I wish there was something I could do in return." 

"Actually, there is something." 

"Yeah?" Miranda asked, finally letting go of her friend. Jane looked through the window and took a sip of her wine. 

"Well I... Okay. I suppose this war changed us all. But please, promise me not to laugh." 

"Can't promise that, _Shepard_ " Miranda smirked, poking the commander's shoulder. She smiled and took another sip, eyes lost in the bright lights of the Silversun. 

"Traynor and I are... Well... We're getting married. I want you to be my bridesmaid, if that's okay." 

"Shepard..."

"I know, I know. We've only known each other for a few months, and I'm probably the last person you'd expect to hear this from, but who knows how this war is gonna end. If I die, I'll have at least the certainty that all the things I leave behind will be in good hands, plus, she'll have a decently comfortable life, being the widow of a Spectre..."

" Shepard!" Miranda exclaimed. "Stop. This is wonderful. Unexpected of course, but wonderful. I noticed how different you are when you're with her. Your eyes glow with a softer tone, and your scars look different too. I know she means a lot to you, and I cannot be happier for you."

"So you don't think this is weird?" 

"No, I don't." 

"Okay good. Because I don't want it to be awkward, especially because of what went on between us."

"That's the past, Shepard. We both needed that back then, and now we've moved on as friends, and it's great. I'm very happy for you, you two make a cute couple." 

" _Cute_ ?" The commander winced slightly, making Miranda laugh. 

"Yes Shepard, _cute_. You should get used to it." 

The older woman mumbled something under her breath as she walked back to the centre of the room to get more wine. 

"Also" Miranda added. "I would love to be your bridesmaid. And I'd be happy to help with anything."

Shepard sat back down on the couch. 

"Don't worry, it's not gonna be anything fancy. We wanted to keep it private, so it's just going to be my crew and some old friends. Don't want the whole Citadel to show up at my doorstep!"

"...or Cerberus." 

"Or another evil clone." 

"Can you imagine? Your clone stealing your place in front of the altar!" 

Both women laughed, and Miranda sat down next to her friend. 

"How will you make it official without having the press on your back? In times like this, I'm sure everyone will be eager to gossip about Commander Shepard's secret wedding..." 

Jane folded her arms. 

"The ceremony itself isn't official, so we asked Thane's son, Kolyat, if he wanted to officiate and he seemed honoured. I don't know if you've met him but he's a good kid. Trustworthy. As for the _official_ stuff, it really just takes fifteen minutes and four pages to sign in a twenty square meters office. Plus there's only one person in charge, so if there's anything in the news the next day I'll know whose head I'll be putting a bullet in. "

"Shepard! "

Miranda scolded, but she couldn't help but guffaw. The commander giggled and patted Miranda's leg. Both women relished in the few indulgent minutes of candid bliss that took them away from their darkest thoughts. 

"I have to say Miranda, we went through so much together, but I'm so proud to say that I'll always have your back, no matter what happens." 

... 

Two rings, two hands, two mouths, two hearts. 

_I do_

Shepard looked at the small assembly for a short moment. Everyone seemed genuinely and truly happy for them, as if their wedding wasn't only a celebration of love, but also a sign of defiance against the reapers and the darkness of the war. She smiled back and turned back to Kolyat. 

"This reminds me of a human saying I once heard on the citadel. I think it says that _love can sometimes bloom on a battlefield_. Today is the proof that it does indeed." 

Traynor took Shepard's hand and squeezed it. 

"Commander Jane Shepard, I don't know where to start. I should probably thank you for everything. You gave me a purpose, you made me who I am, who I never thought I would have the courage to _be_. You shone light on my darkest thoughts, you took my fears away and showed me that everything was possible, with enough willpower, and a decent amount of bullets (laughs). I don't think I can thank you enough, but I'll gladly spend my whole life trying to, with you by my side, always. I love you. "

Everyone clapped, some people cheered, and Shepard started to panic. She didn't think Samantha would speak of her in such a kind way, in front of everyone. 

" Samantha I... Well, thank you. You honour me, I love you too, and I'll always fight for you."

Not wanting to appear overwhelmed in front of the assembly, she cupped Traynor's face and kissed her.

The Normandy crew cheered again, this time doubling in intensity. 

  
  


...

  
  


Miranda found Shepard alone, with her elbows resting on the edge of the balcony, starring at the colourful night through the huge window. The ex-cerberus agent gently put a hand on her shoulder. 

"Your wife gave a beautiful speech. It may seem funny but I saw myself in some of the things she described, especially when she said that you gave her a purpose. Not only did you give me a purpose, but you also gave me the freedom to be myself. Don't laugh, but I think I finally connected all the dots. I finally understood why, when we were in the collectors base, you insisted on taking me with you until the very end. It was not only about the Illusive Man, was it? It was also about me..."

Shepard took a deep, relaxed breath and nodded. 

"I'm glad that you figured it out. I didn't want to say anything about it because I wanted you to understand by yourself. It's not the image we display that defines our true selves, Miranda. It's the choices we make."

"You've grown wiser, Shepard."

The commander smiled. 

"And so have you." 

The ex-cerberus agent brought her glass against Shepard's. 

"To becoming better people. To love. And to you." 

The commander took a long sip of wine and smiled, though with a hint of sorrow hiding in the corners of her mouth. 

"I still feel stupid for not having prepared a speech. Samantha moved everyone, and I was so overwhelmed by her that I couldn't even describe how I felt. I can easily improvise something to motivate the troops, but this... This is all new to me." 

Miranda smiled. 

"We know you, Shepard, and we all know how you feel for Specialist Traynor. Talking about feelings isn't easy, but you'll learn eventually. Why don't you find your wife later and tell her what's on your mind? After overthinking it for a few hours of course."

Jane laughed took another sip of wine. 

"Thanks for the advice. I really wanna try my best."   
  


...

As she closed the door behind the lasts guests, Shepard took a deep breath and rested her forehead against the cold metal. 

She almost jumped when two warm arms encircled her waist. 

"Everything okay?" 

Jane kept her head against the door but placed her hands over Samantha's arms. 

"I used to think being a soldier was the only thing I was good at. I thought getting the job done was the only thing that mattered, whatever the cost. But I was wrong. You helped me realise why I was really fighting. What, and who I was really fighting for. I may have given you a purpose, but you've offered me a future. A future to come back to and to make me love you even more each day. I usually never let fear take control of me but now? Sometimes I wake up shaking from nightmares of losing you, and it takes me a while to recover."

Samantha tightened her grip and pressed her forehead against Shepard's shoulder. 

"You should have told me. I would have come straight away." 

"You said you didn't want everyone to know that we were together, and that you didn't want people to think you were only doing it to win my favours. I wanted to respect that." 

"That was at the very beginning, when I was afraid. We're married now! To hell with what people think, if you kissed my neck in the middle of the CIC, I wouldn't mind one bit!" 

The commander couldn't help but laughed softly, not against the idea of doing so. Samantha looked serious again.

"I didn't know you were having nightmares... I'm sorry." 

Shepard finally turned around, and cupped Samantha's face. 

"Don't be. I should have called you." 

They kissed for a long minute. Shepard hands found Samantha's waist, her teeth found her bottom lip. 

"Maybe you'd like to come upstairs?" 

The specialist teased.

"Maybe I would." 

They both rushed up the stairs, fumbling with each other's clothes, bumping into the furniture. Finally both naked on the large bed, they kissed again, almost chastely. Samantha eventually pushed Shepard on her back and straddled her body, moaning softly when she felt her nails dig in her hips. 

_I'd be the last shred of truth_

_In the lost myth of true love_

"I love you." 

Samantha whispered with her eyes closed. Shepard chuckled tenderly. 

"You do love damaged goods." 

"I wouldn't want it any other way." 

_I'd be the sweet feeling of release_

_Mankind now dreams of_  
  


_That's found in the last witness_

_Before the wave hits_


End file.
